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mmcirvinBut behind the gorse-bush I found a great india-rubber Toilet-Plunger smoking a fat cigar.
"Punctual, are we?" said the Toilet-Plunger.
"I hardly know whether I'm punctual," I said, "as I wasn't expecting this meeting at all! Back home a Toilet-Plunger is hardly capable of moving on its own, let alone smoking a Cigar and addressing one!"
"By punctual, I mean that you live in the Present Moment," he said. "And I am no Toilet-Plunger at all, but a native of the planet Tralfamadore, as you would know if you knew anything."
"I know a great many things," I said, a trifle irked. "And who doesn't live in the Present Moment? Isn't it happening now?"
"This is merely proof that you don't know a single thing," said the Tralfamadorian, blowing a perfect smoke-ring. "I live in every moment at the same time! And consequently, I remember what you're going to say next!"
"Oh, really? What am I going to say next?"
"You're going to attempt to say something different from whatever I tell you, just to prove me wrong," he said.
"I'm—"
"But it won't work."
I was silent for a while. "And it just goes to show that you don't know anything," he said. "I'll bet you can't even recite 'How doth the little cuttlefish'!"
"I can so!" I said, terribly offended. And began—
"How doth the little cuttlefish
Tread treacle on the lawn,
And cadge a Schliemann-Breathing Pill
From every passing prawn;
"While threatening the world to freeze
In glaciers of Ice-Nine;
And polishing his good-luck piece
To such a blinding shine!
"Look on the little cuttlefish!
Behold his slimy feet!
Avoid the fate of Bergeron,
and whistle Poo-tee-weet!"
"Oh, dear, it's come out all wrong!" I said. "What's the matter with me?"
"That is how the moment is structured," said the Tralfamadorian. "So it goes."
"Punctual, are we?" said the Toilet-Plunger.
"I hardly know whether I'm punctual," I said, "as I wasn't expecting this meeting at all! Back home a Toilet-Plunger is hardly capable of moving on its own, let alone smoking a Cigar and addressing one!"
"By punctual, I mean that you live in the Present Moment," he said. "And I am no Toilet-Plunger at all, but a native of the planet Tralfamadore, as you would know if you knew anything."
"I know a great many things," I said, a trifle irked. "And who doesn't live in the Present Moment? Isn't it happening now?"
"This is merely proof that you don't know a single thing," said the Tralfamadorian, blowing a perfect smoke-ring. "I live in every moment at the same time! And consequently, I remember what you're going to say next!"
"Oh, really? What am I going to say next?"
"You're going to attempt to say something different from whatever I tell you, just to prove me wrong," he said.
"I'm—"
"But it won't work."
I was silent for a while. "And it just goes to show that you don't know anything," he said. "I'll bet you can't even recite 'How doth the little cuttlefish'!"
"I can so!" I said, terribly offended. And began—
"How doth the little cuttlefish
Tread treacle on the lawn,
And cadge a Schliemann-Breathing Pill
From every passing prawn;
"While threatening the world to freeze
In glaciers of Ice-Nine;
And polishing his good-luck piece
To such a blinding shine!
"Look on the little cuttlefish!
Behold his slimy feet!
Avoid the fate of Bergeron,
and whistle Poo-tee-weet!"
"Oh, dear, it's come out all wrong!" I said. "What's the matter with me?"
"That is how the moment is structured," said the Tralfamadorian. "So it goes."