Names again

[mmcirvin]

Speaking of Matthew Yglesias, I think he's being completely stupid here, unless he's joking. (But not as stupid as that flamebaiter in the comments.)

He thinks that the social pressure for women to change their names at marriage is such a crushing burden that we have to start "shaming" women who do want to change their names in order to make things better. While the annoyances are real and Sam's had to deal with them, I doubt that this hardship is so great that it exceeds the obnoxiousness of going around denouncing women who change their names because they want to. The lesson ought to be that you can call yourself Humpty Dumpty or the man in the moon if you like it. It isn't as if the situation is set in stone; in my experience, only older people call women by their husbands' first and last names as a default form of address any more, and I'm pretty sure that used to be much more common.

Some husbands change their names in some way when they get married; often they hyphenate their last names or change their middle names. It's a nice gesture, but I didn't, mostly because I think "Matthew James McIrvin" sounds good and was chosen well by my parents. I have mostly stopped correcting people who address me on the phone as Mr. Wilkinson, and we usually go by Wilkinson at restaurants because most people at least think they can spell it.

And: In the linked article, Katie Roiphe is being even more stupid when she denounces more baroque schemes like hyphenation and synthetic kids' names. Is it really that much of a curse to saddle your kids with the problem of what to do with their hyphenated names when they get married? What business is it of hers if somebody else is "obliterating ethnic resonance"? Is everyone in the universe a hopeless busybody?

By the way, I'm pretty sure that when people address Sam as "Mrs. Matthew McIrvin", what she feels is not "a kind of frisson".

Comments

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Eeeyergh. I didn't change my last name upon marriage because my husband's last name isn't euphonious with my first name, and also, man, I've had this name my whole life. I'm _used_ to it.
I used to be kind of amused by the concept of a husband- and wife-to-be picking out a whole entirely new last name, but that's really mostly just spreading around the name-change-annoyance burden (apart from the fun of naming yourselves Mr. and Mrs. Danger or something).
Is it really so uncommon to keep one's name? I hadn't noticed.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

I think it's a highly regional thing. In the US as a whole, it's not so common; probably much more common around here.

[swinehund.livejournal.com]

I kept my 'maiden' name (the term is ironic as it implies that I was maiden before marriage), as have most of the other women in graydon's family. With name like Hoare, there's a bit more incentive for strong feminist agendas in this department. :)
I've only had a few cases where I've had my name subsumed to the missus; typically telemarketers (who sometimes ask for my parents, and who I tend to dislike for other reasons anyway), and once from my mother, who was quickly and soundly corrected. We tend to be generally rude in defense of our ideals as a couple, though, so it's pretty easy in this department. Also, when I saw all the paperwork you needed to do to take an assumed name (I am lazy when it comes to paperwork), I did not think it was at all convenient to take his name even if I had wanted to. It's not in the typical vein (actually just a misspelling), but I was Frank Paftis on the municipal election card. I was so pleased to be considered his manwife. Unfortunately, they didn't actually let me vote under that name.

We originally thought that as a compromise, we would invent a new name. Unfortunately, the one we liked best was Bombski. We also like travelling, and we figured that that would be too hard to get on planes with. Another choice was Snuggles, but since I'm not getting my Phd that's out too.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

There's also the current method in Latin America where the wife doesn't merely take the husband's name, but becomes "of" the surname (say, Juana López marries Rodrigo Pérez, she becomes Juana de Pérez). My mother took my dad's name when they married in New York, but she never let people get away with calling her Eugenia de Echeverri.

I would have preferred that Kim not take my name, especially because she'd just changed it back to her maiden name from her previous married name, but she insisted. She officially has both her maiden and married surnames in her name, not hyphenated.

I'm not sure if i've mentioned this to you before, but i think that girls should take their mom's surname and and boys their dad's. It might not be the most practical, but it appeals æsthetically to me.

[plorkwort.livejournal.com]

I was certainly startled the first time a telemarketer addressed me as "Mrs. Chase," but was more amused than annoyed. Maybe it just wasn't as important because we weren't married anyways.