Pecking order of pirate captains

[mmcirvin]

1. Actual pirate captains

2. Captain Hook (defeated by ticking reptile)

3. Jean La Foot (unable to hijack bowl of breakfast cereal)

4. Captain Jack Sparrow (shows disturbingly little evidence of piracy or, with intermittent exceptions, captaincy)

5. Captain Feathersword (friend to the Wiggles; mostly fond of dancing, saying "I'm sorry" and shoe inspections)

6. The other Captain Hook, of "Captain Hook and the Gospel Pirates" (fortunately, I may be the only person who has ever seen this)

I will be awaiting my job offer from McSweeney's in the mail.

Comments

[mskala.livejournal.com]

What about Captain Pugwash?

[urbeatle.livejournal.com]

What' about Captain Morgan, the pirate mascot? Apparently, his job is to remain drunk at all times, say nothing, and make very slow vaguely-party-like gestures. Or, at least, that's how one actor hired as a mascot for an event promoted by Captain Morgan Rum chose to interpret the character. That seems like a sub-Captain Feathersword pirate captain, but do you think he's above or below the other Captain Hook?

Of course, one complication is I think there may have been an actual Captain Morgan, just like there's both a real Dread Pirate Roberts and the fictional one from The Princess Bride. Which raises the question: how do you treat real pirate captains who get fictionalized in ways completely unlike their real life? Do they move down in rank, or is their fictional counterpart treated like the other Captain Hook in comparison to the first?

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I'd say the guy from "The Pirate Planet" is actually ABOVE real pirate captains in the pecking order. Sure, he plays the buffoon and he's got a problem with upper management, but the guy jacks entire planets.

[sunburn.livejournal.com]

Where does the inimitable Cap'n Matthew (http://iayork.livejournal.com/146231.html) fit in tharrrr?

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

Very piratical.

[megmimcg.livejournal.com]

What about regular ol' cap'ns? I suppose Cap'n Crunch belongs on another list entirely. The list of spokes-cartoon cap'ns is brief.